Jason Statham is back in an action movie. That’s always good news, well, that was until we saw that it was a Chinese produced shark movie.
After seeing this movie my original anticipation (before seeing the trailer) turned to disappointment as I felt all the dumber for watching one of this year’s worst movies. Razzie anyone?
Statham plays deep-sea rescue diver Jonas Taylor who after a mission went wrong goes into hiding until called upon by some familiar faces from his past after a new discovery is made under the ocean.
This new research project has been funded by billionaire Mr. Morris (Rainn Wilson) and a celebratory visit to this new billion-dollar deep-sea research facility quickly becomes a race for survival as they don’t just find new uncharted territory on the ocean bed but a giant Megalodon shark that is willing to chow down on any human, craft or any object standing in its way.
Bouncing back between Chinese and Thai locations to keep the investors happy The Meg boasts a rather emotionless cast to boot. Sadly there’s no depth in dialogue in this wooden affair and even Statham looks rusty in just about every scene he’s in.
Statham isn’t going to win any Oscars on this flick anytime soon, he’s just there to look tough, smile occasionally so people don’t think he’s psychotic and take his shirt off so the body adoring fans can cash-in on checking out that killer ab work-out.
Sadly Statham’s abs are the only thing that looks worked out as The Meg crumbles and falls way before we even see our giant prehistoric friend.
What follows is a giant shark tearing through the seas ready to take on anything it approaches. I can’t even believe I’m typing a ‘review’ of this. I came out of the cinema genuinely appalled at what I had just watched.
The only saving grace for me throughout the movie is the genuine laugh-out-loud moments of just how terrible this movie really is.
The writers even threw in some awful and I mean awful (even worse than Sharknado) lines of dialogue such as “This sharks got a taste for boats”, “If we can short out the firewall, I can probably reboot the computer”.
So first we get a dumb comment and then one line that isn’t even physically possible!
Granted this review is a whole Megalodon sized dollop of negativity I will say this thou. There was one saving grace that stopped me giving this film a 1 out of 5-star rating. That saving grace was Shuya Sophia Cai who plays Meiying.
Her character was so adorable, charming and sweet that her performance felt flawless. She was endearing and filled her role perfectly. When a Hollywood blockbuster is upstaged by a ten-year-old kid, you need to rethink some things.
I love you Warner Brothers but your big summer blockbuster just blew harder than Vinnie Chase’s Medellin in the hit US TV-Show Entourage.
With more cheese than a nacho food challenge, forced relationships that feel utterly pointless, the stereotypical comedic relief and a dollop of actors who said “f**k it, my career isn’t going anywhere else right now” and agreed to this project.
The Meg, is meg-ashit.
Whilst the film may be awful, the merchandise certainly isn’t and we have an awesome bundle to giveaway to one lucky winner HERE
Rating
-
The Meg
Summary
Wasted opportunities aplenty and a movie that seems to have been written by pre-schoolers.The Meg gives us dull characters, floored logic and terrible scriptwriting in the hope that we’re all just feeling bored, remember how good Jaws was and proceed to throw down our hard earned cash on a studio’s latest Chinese invested shitfest.
