We’ve all seen a soppy romance movie or two, but we’re blissfully unaware that romance movies ruin real-life relationships and here’s why.
Let’s take the standpoint that this article only appeals to those singletons out there who are in and out of relationships or are forever dating.
Where everything seems to be going well up until a point and then the next minute you’re single and wondering what on earth just happened.
This article rules out those couples currently in happy and solid relationships as those on their own are a rarity itself.
Hold onto those.
The Art Of Chasing
We’ve all seen those romance movies where the guy likes the girl, the guy chases the girl, the girl plays hard to get, the guy keeps chasing the girl, the girl realises she likes the guy too, they kiss, credits roll.
But what happens in real life when you apply that method that you’ve been conditioned to through numerous TV shows and movies?
You fail and fail hard.
If you keep chasing the girl (or guy) in real life at some point you’re going to come off as a stalker and holding a radio above your head outside of her window at night is not going to get you a girlfriend.
It’s going to get you a restraining order.
Whilst it’s common knowledge that guys should be chasing the girl (in moderation) in the opening stages of dating, it’s when the guy falls back and allows the woman space that attraction can be built.
You’ve chased, you’ve got a first date, you’ve impressed her. You’ve made her laugh, made her feel special, made sure she got home safely and you go home.
You don’t blow up her phone, pour out your feelings or start planning your future together after the first date.
So many guys are guilty of that.
It’s weak beta male mindset.
Men are very logical creatures, we see something we like and instantly we’re attracted and we’re engrossed in this fantasy of a future together if you both get along well.
Women on the other hand are very emotional creatures.
Whilst they may find you attractive enough to go out with you it’s what you say and how you make her feel emotionally that will determine if she wants to see you again.
Needy, clingy behaviour after the first date is one surefire way to land you in the friend zone before you’ve even started.
Women need time and space to wonder about you.
Forget writing soppy love notes or singing songs Wedding Singer style on a plane to her or that nonsense.
This is what we’ve been conditioned through watching movies and tv shows over the years.
We think that because such and such did it in a movie it’s going to work in real life.
Try it, see what happens.
You’ll be back.
The Illusion Of Action
Another situation where movies and TV shows fail us in relationships is when it comes to something called the illusion of action.
A mindset that persuades us that we need to do something to change an outcome when we’re feeling fearful.
We need to do this.
We need to do that or they’ll leave us.
We need to do this to prove to them we care.
What people don’t realise in that mindset is that space apart that you guys have is building attraction much like a cake is cooking in an oven.
Give that cake time to cook and it will be ready.
If you’re constantly opening the oven and reaching out asking if it’s done yet, that cake is never going to cook.
So you’ve had a few dates or you’ve spoken too much on text and suddenly… silence.
The illusion of action will persuade you that you need to text again to get some clarity, to make sure in your mind that they’re still interested.
Women come and go as they please and you need to give them space to roam the neighbourhood.
If they have an interest in you, you have to remain confident in yourself that she will be back and reply.
If you keep chasing like a needy dog just panting for her attention it’s going to turn her off.
Ignore the sappy romance movies of guys forever chasing girls.
It just doesn’t work like that in the real world.
What They Say Vs What They React To
I’ve spoken to so many girls who have always told me that they want a guy to chase.
That it’s the guys’ role to chase the women, always.
Then what happens when the guy keeps chasing?
She gets bored of him and lands him in the friend zone.
Guys, you have to pay attention to how a girl acts, not what she says.
Like I said previously, girls are emotional creatures you need to let them come and go as they please.
If you keep chasing and chasing and chasing how on earth will they have time to build up feelings of attraction for you?
You’ll just look desperate like you have no life and some stranger who you barely know is now your number one priority.
Man up, that mindset is weak.
Assuming you’ve made a good impression and you guys had a great time together and maybe even a little kiss at the end of a first date. You wait.
The girl needs to go and speak to her friends about it, see how she feels about everything and make her mind up on whether she liked you enough to see you again.
Give her space and time to miss you, contrary to what movies and tv shows would have you believe.
Get your head out of your phone with the constant texting and use the phone to set up dates and keep any text conversation short lighthearted and funny.
Be that mysterious, busy guy.
Women love mystery.
Why do you think Christian Grey is such an intriguing character?
He’s hard to figure out, he’s hard to read, he has an abundance mindset.
He’s a mystery.
He’s a challenge.
Tease her in between dates, keep the atmosphere and conversation positive so she looks forward to seeing you next.
Always read how a woman acts rather than what she says.
A little really does go a long way.
So put those romance movies and TV shows aside and step into the real world.
It’s a minefield out there and fellas (and ladies) you got this.
